Rainbows

So one of many days I have dreaded....10/10.  My girlfriend told me that she thought I was seeing all those double rainbows because of something to do with my dad.  When she said that, I was skeptical, but appreciative.  Today, while driving I encountered a lovely sunset.  What was most remarkable about it, was that there were little rainbows on each side of the sun.  It's hard to make out in this picture, but just left of the distant tower, there is a little blur of slight color.  That is a rainbow that followed me for at least an hour, and for many many miles.  My dad left just after 7:00 pm, and I remember my cousin telling me how lovely the sky had been during the time of my dad's last hour here.  And tonight, the sky was lovely....and somehow there was a crazy rainbow.....yet no rain.  Maybe my girlfriend was right.  Anyway, looking back on a year ago tonight is not a good experience.  Maybe I'll just hope for better days....and for my little ship to be welcomed by him when it's my turn.

A Candle for Him

Here's a view from St. Paul's alter where my dad conducted his first mass when he became ordained.  
I lit a candle for him yesterday.  

Cheers

I know I've mentioned before that we loved Cheers, and I would watch it with him all the time.  We could watch re-runs from 20 years ago, that we each had seen 5 times over, and we'd still laugh.  Needing a distraction during this evening I find Cheers  is on, and it was one of those classic episodes, from early on, with Coach.  I wish I could have picked up the phone to call him about this crazy coincidence....to say I miss him is a significant understatement.  

10/8/2007

This time last year, he was slipping away.  It's funny how denial works.  I remember this day last year, and I remember calling Hospice to ask questions because he didn't seem himself, and I thought it was the medication.  They told me what it was, but when he was gone two days later, I still could not comprehend what had happened.......he had JUST been in the pool.  What I remember most from this day last year was his smile at me, when my mom clearly nudged him to remember it was my birthday.  And I remember that he made an extraordinary effort to get out of bed, come out to be with us in the living room, probably because it was my birthday.   Again, that smile over at me, him in his chair and me on his side of the couch.  And then I will never ever forget that he WALKED over to the table in order to write the birthday card that took him 30 minutes to write, that was 4 sentences long.  The most amazing gift ever given.  This day isn't my day....it's his.  And so here I am back where I left him over father's day.  The box is a little worn by the weather and elements....but he's still there.  And I am profoundly grateful for that...I don't know what I would have done if I rolled up and he was gone.  

10/7/2007

This isn't a picture from 10/7/07, but this is him, in the pool, about two months earlier, "chillin" as he would say.  I posted this picture of a picture (taken by my sister) because during his last day, full of life, he watched football with us all, which was "the best Redskins game he had ever seen" and then came back and got in the pool.  I remember we didn't stay in for quite as long as we usually would, because he felt tired.  So then we went home.   That was the last day that he was himself....and that day was today.  The next day he was clearly slipping away.

So today on 10/7/08, all I can think about is that game, and that pool.  I think he would be happy to know that anniversary of his last game, that he loved so much, was a good one.  And as I have said before, up until his very last day full of life, he was living to the fullest.  

Soundtrack of His Life (3)

Here are the Blind Boys of Alabama singing Amazing Grace.  It's on his CD of his favorites.  I know why he loved that song, and the version on his CD is Judy Collins-and I know why he picked her.  The song has come to mean something very different to me.  Every time I listen to it I think of him, and the amazing grace I witnessed that he displayed from the moment he was told what he had, until the moment he slipped away.  He truly personified grace.  Anyway, here are the Blind Boys, taking their turn at this wonderful song.

A Step Show even reminds me of him...

Maybe it's just that it is September, and he's totally on my mind.  But I teared up a little bit during the finale of the Step show I went to tonight.  The grand finale had a priest, a baptism, and the Richmond Boys Club singing.  It was emotional and it made me think of him and his earlier days, before he had me.  He truly was meant to be a Father.  What a great show....

The Tree People

This time last year, I was staying with him.  He needed a little bit more help getting around, and so I went to help.  During this time, we watched a college football game out at Berkley. They did a brief little report on the "tree protesters" and I though, "what?"  I naturally googled it, and found out that people were living in the trees to protest the school's plan to cut them down.  I am not making this up.  As I told him this, he gave me that look that said, "gadzooks..." So one of the days that he and I went walking in the pool,  I remarked how great he did in the pool, and how good he seemed walking back and forth; steady on his feet, energized, enjoying the fresh air, smiling.  His life just seemed easiest while he was in the pool.  I joked with him that he should be like the tree people, only he would be a pool person...refuse to get out because he was so happy in that pool.  I told him we could bring him food and water, just like the tree people were having done for them.  It was fun laughing about this plan.

Today I read that after almost two years, the tree people were forced out of the trees, came down, were arrested, and then the trees got cut down.  Somewhere my dad is saying "Jiminey chrismas...those guys were STILL up there?!"  

Always

I'll be loving you always

With a love thats true always

When the things you plan

Need a helping hand

I'll understand always, always

Days may not be fair, always

That's when I'll be there, always

Not for just an hour

Not for just a day

Not for just a year but, always

Days may not be fair, always

That's when I'll be there, always

Not for just an hour

Not for just a day

Not for just a year but, always

The Footprint of One's Life

I traveled to SD to bring him back "home" so to speak.  It is amazing what was found there, all these little footprints of his life.  There was his movie theatre, his old street, his old school, his church that led to his "calling," his dad's workplace, a random book where he is referenced.  

While at the church of his youth, there is a book that has profiles on former students of the affiliated school.  He is in there, with a picture of him, and he is in his collar.  It goes over his path through the seminary, and his first mass.  That mass took place at St. Paul's Catholic Church in Portsmouth, VA.  I was there earlier during Father's Day weekend, and ended up in touch with a woman who knew my dad.   Here is a picture of yet another of his churches, St. Paul's.