10/8/2007

This time last year, he was slipping away.  It's funny how denial works.  I remember this day last year, and I remember calling Hospice to ask questions because he didn't seem himself, and I thought it was the medication.  They told me what it was, but when he was gone two days later, I still could not comprehend what had happened.......he had JUST been in the pool.  What I remember most from this day last year was his smile at me, when my mom clearly nudged him to remember it was my birthday.  And I remember that he made an extraordinary effort to get out of bed, come out to be with us in the living room, probably because it was my birthday.   Again, that smile over at me, him in his chair and me on his side of the couch.  And then I will never ever forget that he WALKED over to the table in order to write the birthday card that took him 30 minutes to write, that was 4 sentences long.  The most amazing gift ever given.  This day isn't my day....it's his.  And so here I am back where I left him over father's day.  The box is a little worn by the weather and elements....but he's still there.  And I am profoundly grateful for that...I don't know what I would have done if I rolled up and he was gone.