Spots in My Mind

The last time I took the train down here, it was to visit him for his birthday. Every time after, I drove.  It was his 76th birthday, and when I got off the train, he was standing right there at that tall blue pole.  The whole trip down, I was so worried about how he would look, as it had been too long since I had last seen him.  I was walking from this same direction, and  when I saw him, standing there-by himself-looking for me, he looked so good.  I remember a true wave of relief going through my body.  He had one arm crossed across his belly, and the other one leaning on it, with his and up stroking his chin, as if pensive.  When he saw me, he smiled.......that smile.  What an empty and hollow this arrival was, knowing he wouldn't be there.  Knowing that it's all over.  That look, that smile, that hug.....it is a spot& moment that will forever be in my mind's memory.