Spots in My Mind

The last time I took the train down here, it was to visit him for his birthday. Every time after, I drove.  It was his 76th birthday, and when I got off the train, he was standing right there at that tall blue pole.  The whole trip down, I was so worried about how he would look, as it had been too long since I had last seen him.  I was walking from this same direction, and  when I saw him, standing there-by himself-looking for me, he looked so good.  I remember a true wave of relief going through my body.  He had one arm crossed across his belly, and the other one leaning on it, with his and up stroking his chin, as if pensive.  When he saw me, he smiled.......that smile.  What an empty and hollow this arrival was, knowing he wouldn't be there.  Knowing that it's all over.  That look, that smile, that hug.....it is a spot& moment that will forever be in my mind's memory.

I am waiting here....

The Long & Winding Road (the beatles)

The long and winding road

That leads to your door

Will never disappear

I've seen that road before

It always leads me here

Lead me to your door

The wild and windy night

That the rain washed away

Has left a pool of tears

Crying for the day

Why leave me standing here

Let me know the way

Many times I've been alone

And many times I've cried

Anyway you'll never know

The many ways I've tried

And still they lead me back 

To the long winding road

You left me standing here

A long long time ago

Don't leave me waiting here

Lead me to your door

But still they lead me back

To the long winding road

You left standing here

A long long time ago

Don't keep me waiting here

Lead me to your door

Snickers

My dad loved himself some snickers.  During one part of his life, he would eat a king size snickers bar, every day.  It was, hands down, his favorite candy bar.  Each year, at Christmas, he would wrap the mini-size, pictured above, and put them in our stockings.  When we would open them, he would say things like "maybe Santa put that in the wrong stocking" or "if you want help with that, just let me know" - and he'd crack himself up with this, each and every year. He'd sit in his chair, while in his pajamas, with his knees up laughing and laughing, as if he never done this same joke before.  The holidays will never ever be the same now that he is gone.