Clouds in Heaven

When I saw these clouds, I thought of him.  I knew why, but I was having a hard time finding the words to write it, until I found what I wrote to him in my journal on 12/18/2007:

"Dear Daddy,

Back when I was younger, I pictured the after life as a spot on a big, puffy cloud.  I would look up at the sky and see a cloud and think "one day that will be my spot."  With that "spot" came the ability to look over my friends & family-keeping tabs on them.  Can you see me?  Are you with me?  I would feel some sense of comfort if I knew you were here in some way, however different it may be from how I want you here.  Sometimes I feel you pushing me along-or coming in my dream to ask me the question, "what about me is the same?"  Perhaps you leaving will be what teaches me to have faith?  Faith that although unseen you are still here somehow, guiding me, giving me help, showing me answers to some pretty dark questions, and just keeping tabs on me.  So if you can, stay near me."  

So that is what it is, when I see the crisp, puffy clouds that look so heavenly to me.....I see him in my naive image of after-life, and he seems nearby.